take a little while to grow your brother’s hair

- mikey is leaving me tomorrow… going to chicago for ekklesia and won’t be back until late late on wednesday. i do not like when he’s away, and i’m jealous that i can’t go.
+ scott and andrew are going with him, so at least he has someone to split gas with and to help him navigate.
- i just found out that our bank has been over-charging us for our banking fees since january. this is partially my fault for not paying attention & just skipping over when i saw a debit for our plan without actually checking the amount, and partially their fault for upping our fee without notification.
+ instead of walking mikey’s visa over to the bank to prove that he’s still a student and we still should get the discount and waiting half an hour for them to search all of our old statements and put the money back in our account, the nice branch manager just believed me and put $51.00 back into our account while i waited on the phone.
+ i stopped in the freestore when i ran down to put laundry in the dryer (i NEVER remember to go down there the few hours a week that it’s open - i have to just happen by on my way to the laundry room) and found two pairs of split-crotch baby pants. these will be awesome when i give EC a try, and they can be pricey/hard to find in north america. yay for it being the norm in asian countries an having lots of asian people in our building destashing their baby pants. i’m really excited to try EC. i’m really excited that i have family members who have done it/are doing it and friends who plan to, so not everyone will think i’m weird… for doing something that is totally normal for most of the world. just not north america, where you can’t find little kid underwear smaller than 2T and people can afford to spend several thousand dollars to exclusively diaper a kid forever.
+ tonight alex, ella, julia, erin, kelly and myself are doing another DESTASH - yay!! this time dumping all of our unwanted belongings all over the middle of alex’s livingroom floor instead of mine, trading around, then loading the leftovers into her car to be taken to our work’s thrift store. last time we did this - which was about two weeks after i got pregnant and didn’t yet know i was pregnant and couldn’t understand why wine didn’t taste good and i could only drink half a glass - i got rid of tons of stuff and ONLY acquired two shirts, a scarf, and a teeny bit of craft supplies. even mikey unloaded some books. this time i have four more boxes full. i love taking apart my nest. this time no areas of our belongings remained untouched - kitchenware, cookbooks, clothes, accessories, craft supplies, headscarves/headbands/etc., books… i even took a clock off the wall.
- paisley has gas, and as usual must be laying within four inches of me since mikey is not home.

++++++++++++ home in less than two weeks!!!!
- - - - - - - - - - -  must go fold laundry.

listening: nick drake

i rode a long way to be away from you

22 weeks looks less fat that 21… although this photo was taken pre-supper for once.

no one wished me a happy fourth of july today. prime chance for all of the jokes about my americanism that my coworkers love to dump on me, but no one said a word. after dating letters all morning it finally occured to me at lunchtime that my family is all home from work, getting ready for a cookout, probably having fun with cheap explosives and hoping that all ten of my dad’s fingers will survive one more year. the canadian will someday be very impressed when (s)he watches grandpa let lit rockets go from his bare hands.

i know we aren’t the only ones wrecking the planet and offing its inhabitants like it’s this year’s pogs, but we’re definitely the dumbest branch of the family tree and anything celebrating america just makes me pretty sad. even sadder that THIS is what’s being handed over to the hundred and forty-seven babies that everyone i know is popping out this year.

What will they say - assuming there are any left to be saying - in five centuries about us nice folks who managed to bequeath the solar system a second Mercury where a green and fertile planet once stood, just so we could party a little longer?  I’m not sure, but I don’t think it will be pretty.  And I don’t think it will be, “Well, sure, they weren’t perfect.  And, true, they wrecked the whole planet.  But at least they kept boys from marrying other boys.”

well hey, i think i settled on the stroller that we don’t even need to get until next spring, so that’s something productive.

listening: andrew in my head
reading: b is for bluegrass, because that is where uncle andy lives and we found a brand new copy for one dollar and ninety cents; before that (on wednesday, on our anniversary) we found our new favorite toronto indian restaurant, which is better than my favorite place in little india, neither of which is as good as the indian place in motown… which i will never not find ironic

in two weeks i will be home, in two weeks i will be home

in two weeks i will be home, in two weeks i will be home. i will hopefully have snuggled little baby nadia abigail, born on monday evening just in time for jeopardy (i think, or just in time for when jeopardy used to come on), snuggled the little baby horse, and eaten some mister bee’s. and then i will fall asleep listening to nothing but the aquarium gurgling downstairs and paisley’s little dreaming woofs.

on the way home from work i stopped in a random dollarstore to buy hair elastics and dog poop bags, and i got two chunky kit kat bars. the things that end up in north american dollarstores are very weird. this particular kit kat wrapper specifies that it’s an “international recipe” made with cocoa beans from ghana, and it’s manufactured in malaysia. it has things written in some language that looks like arabic but i’m pretty sure it isn’t, and it advises you to eat it in an air-conditioned environment.

here is my life:

ice cream bowl stake-out.

cutest birds flown in from portland. thanks, maggie!

mikey’s spanish notes.

on swaptree tonight i traded conspiracy theory for billy bragg & wilco’s mermaid avenue. we were listening to this album the first time i ever drove into toronto, which was the second time we collectively arrived in toronto. we were singing along to “california stars” while we drove up university avenue, interrupting the lyrics to remark about how easy it is to drive in this city. unlike driving into chicago, when mikey was driving and had a meltdown, or driving through manhattan, where i was driving and he was having a meltdown.

all day i’ve wanted hot chocolate, macaroni and cheese, and the last third of no country for old men whilst laying on the couch. and then after macaroni i will redo the five rows of blanket that i had to unravel last night. you can visibly see the baby moving around a lot when i lay on the couch and knit. it’s good times, but i want him/her to come out so we can cuddle. i’m getting impatient.

listening: now i have billy bragg in my head
reading: just finished the diaper free baby

our desire to see the world become a place in which our children can grow free and strong

in the midst of two hours of club music there was one james taylor song and i can’t get it out of my head. pride parade x about 100 photos.

glorious, kind, and always on time

21 weeks.

dorothy and dietrich turned three this week.

dreams about a baby girl with no diapers have persisted. two nights ago we had found awesome snappis with darth vadar and stormtrooper heads on the ends, but we realized we had no diapers when she was born. this always happens. this morning i ordered two dozen prefolds and one each of the first two sizes of fuzzibunz so i can start sewing inserts. we already have enough snappis and newborn covers, and are buying jess’s xs fuzzibunz when her baby outgrows them… which will be before ours is born. i’m hoping this makes the dreams stop because they are REALLY tiring. i feel entirely unrested after the diaper dreams.

tonight we have to choose between three music events - two are free and outside and it’s rainy & muggy. i don’t know if i want to go to any of them because it’s been such a long week. the hidden cameras are playing for free a few blocks away at 11pm, but it’s a pride event so it’s going to be so drunk and crowded and i’m too much of a hermit for that these days. however, i will be so mad at myself if i miss seeing them play for free. i also want to go to ikea today because this is the last free(ish) weekend before HOMEEEE to get the baby’s dresser - i want it put together when we get back so i can just put shower gifts away instead of having them sitting around for weeks. ikea always puts mikey in a terrible mood, but i can’t do this one by myself. i really just want to lay on the couch all day and knit and watch movies.

listening: ryan adams
reading: odd hours is still lasting!

somehow your dreams became my plans

this week has been so busy and i am so tired and the next three days are going to be busy and i just want to sleep for a whole week nonstop. visitors are fun - we need more! we did monday night oldtime, ate lots of yum food, hung out at niagara falls for half a day, did some shopping, city walking, went to the lake. paisley loved niagara falls but got very worn out, and it was super crowded and i got sunburnt, but it was worth it for the view and the fudge. mike & hana liked toronto & i am glad.

i was so exhausted last night after they left that i most likely would have skipped bluegrass (gasp) if i hadn’t missed the past two weeks, so we went and they played new songs and the mirrors and soap dispensers were all taken down in the bathroom and they have new beers/pint glasses. see what happens in absence? things change. i do not like it. however, they played a song that they’ve never done before - that i’ve never even heard except for childhood gatherings. i almost cried a little. i was too tired to even do that.

we have our cabin reserved for Canaan Week and i can’t wait to go home i can’t wait to go home i can’t wait. before that happens mikey has to go to chicago and i am making a quick trip to to scatter my grandma’s ashes on lake michigan with the fam (no permit - we are rebels). all of that driving in two weeks. every day at work is torture because all i think about is going home. i have our packing list made. i’ve had it made for weeks. i’m going to have to transfer it to a new notebook and it will be just as exciting as making it from scratch. i got a new 18-month planner that starts next week. it’s a hard-cover moleskine, each spread is a week of days and a sheet of lined note-paper on the other side. i did this last year - i don’t know why - so i still have six months in my current planner. i want the baby’s whole first year of checkups and visits with people and everything to be documented all in one place though, so i’m starting a new one. it’s sitting on my sewing table beckoning me to get together the proper assortment of writing utensils and my book of birthdays/anniversarys so i can start to put things in it. only erin chrest understands how exciting this is. my heart will race a little when i peel away the shrink wrap and get my first wiff of paper and apply my first sticker (etsy? mountain justice? black bear?) neatly - or strategically askew - to the cover.

i also got the new dean koontz novel because it was on sale for almost as much as it sells for on amazon - i was truly amazed. i needed a birthday gift and they were having a huge sale, so i left with a gift, a planner, dean koontz, and two baby books - ugh, buying things. still not used to it. i got baby food because i’m so in love with dog food. i look at dog food every single time i dust or straighten the bookshelves and die laughing equally every time. i also got busy penguins because it has really good photos and a page about penguins pooping - i thought it might help mikey deal.

now to watch the last episode of season three of oz and then try to NOT stay up until 4a.m. finishing my new book. i always do this and am so mad afterwards - i use up a whole book in one day. i don’t think it will be hard to spread it out this time.

more…
 

listening: jackson browne in my head
reading: odd hours by dean koontz

after 19 nights in the barn

our internet is down at home while we switch to a new provider, but here are some quick photos of BABY KATERI! she was born at 1a.m. on sunday night & everything is fine. she’s adorable & i can’t waaaiiiittttt to see her in three weeks when we go home.

quackers the doula-duck sits with her while kalita naps. i will upload more photos to my flickr as mom sends them.

it’s sixteen miles to the promised land, and i promise you i’m doing the best i can

20 weeks on wv day.

lake simcoe.

three day staff retreat was _____. i spent half of the time enjoying myself as much as possible considering that i was away from my husband/pets/own bed/own food - knitting, napping, playing games with enjoyable coworkers. i spent the other half of the time being profoundly offended. i’m grateful to have this job and i’m grateful for the maternity benefits, but i’m very glad that i’m not invested indefinitely.

the baby has been insanely active starting on wednesday morning. i love it & will never get bored of laying on my back & feeling kicks from the outside. one of our daycare workers is the queen of 100% accurately predicting the sexes of babies before they are born. she said girl.

this morning i had the pleasure of calling maggie at the same phone number that i dialed one million times prior to college. she wasn’t at her parents’ house then so i called her cell, but at least she could have been, because she is home from vegas for over a month during her summer break from teaching. in three weeks and five days we’ll be on our way there, too. after talking to her forever i talked to mikey’s mom forever and then my dad for slightly less than forever (hail storm, no baby horse, coworker’s kidney stones, how’s the baby/mikey/paisley?), then listened to samples of childrens’ music on amazon for an hour: i am supremely in love with elizabeth mitchell, and i really wish the rockabye baby albums were better than they are because i think the concept is genius - GOOD lullabye versions of radiohead, bjork, the cure, pink floyd, the rolling stones, led zeppelin, the beatles… they’d make me so happy. these weren’t awful, but i wouldn’t be able to tolerate them for very long. i guess the canadian will just have to listen to the real thing.

so i’ve done nothing productive today because my back/muscles over my ribs/muscles under my sternum hurt REALLY bad on the right. i have no idea what’s going on, but i don’t want to do anything. i have to clean a little because mikey’s dad & his girlfriend are visiting tomorrow. lots of musics to be seen & food to be eaten this week! i haven’t had a wednesday in three weeks & i’m having separation anxiety. they’re leaving on wednesday so we’re taking them to see oldtime at a pub on monday night, and it’s jazz festival week. it’s also pride week & i’m overly excited to take my new camerababy to the parade next weekend… and to a free folk festival for alex’s birthday. the weekend after that is a girl-belongings-destash while boys run off to chicago for a conference, and the weekend after that we’ll be getting ready to go home. before our honeymoon everyone had a collective countdown based on how many pay periods were left before Beach Week. two more paydays before Home Week, and one is only two days before we go so i’m not counting that one.

paisley seems really depressed today. she always pouts incessantly if mikey is gone all day, but he said she didn’t care when i was gone for three. yesterday evening we were taking her for a walk and she picked up a HUGE pruned branch and started staggering down the sidewalk with it in her mouth. it had to weigh almost as much as she does and would surely have taken out pedstrians at the shins and knocked her down as soon as she rammed it into a lightpole/mailbox/parking meter box. we had to break a small piece off and make her leave the rest behind. i will be happy to live in a place where my dog can drag around half a tree if that’s what she wants to do.

listening: rilo kiley

i’d like to rest my heavy head tonight on a bed of california stars

i’ve read several places that if you read a book or play/sing a song to a baby repetatively before birth, it has calming effects after they are born because it reminds them of being in the womb. we were trying to think of a song that mikey could play a few times a week and see if it works, but it’s impossible to think of something for this use. i have a few ideas, but suggest away. can’t be an annoying baby song, obviously, since we will have to hear it allthetime for the next four months, and after if it actually works.

i can’t believe we only have four more months. still having girl dreams, zero boy dreams. always the same baby, our life is as per usual, baby’s in clothes that we already own, our apartment and animals and things are all accounted for… but i’ve always screwed something up (didn’t buy any cloth diapers, can’t get her to breastfeed properly - these are REALLY realistic and scary, forgot her in an elevator, etc.). i’m not actually nervous about anything, i just have nervous dreams. and i wouldn’t lend anything to the fact that it’s always the same baby girl named hazel, except that stuff from my dreams - if they are at all realistic and not just bizarre nonsense - frequently comes true. it’s because i’m an INFJ. when i had my personality evaluation thing with my very calm, balanced, rational director of staff care, he dropped my results in front of me and said “you guys are the freaky ones” and then asked if things from my dreams come true - every INFJ in our workplace reports that phenomenon. since i’m on the (maybe not a) baby girl subject, here is the dress that i’m in love with. i think i’m going to buy it if it ever goes on sale, just in case i ever have a girl. it would make for some stunning black and white baby photos. i’ve decided that’s the only reason i’m newly attracted to baby girl clothes… the photo quality. there should have been something in our marriage vows about keeping me out of the baby gap if we ever spawned a girl - i never fathomed it would be such a problem. makes me feel icky. even though i’ve only gone into that store ONE TIME, look where it got me. obssession.

you’re all going to feel sorry for me if i’m cooking an elliott.

look how happy she is:

time to see if mikey will watch an episode of oz with me while i package etsy orders. we’re back at it, and we decided that it’s the only thing we own that will have to be hidden/forbidden for any great length of time (like my parents hid & then forbade the deer hunter). i don’t know when i’d feel comfortable letting my kids watch this show… i guess it depends on the kid. maybe if he/she could do a quality presentation on the dynamic between gangs within a maximum security prison system AND the culture within prison systems in general (inmate/guard relationships, riots, politics, etc.)… i’d be confident that my ten year old could watch six seasons of sex, murder, blackmail, sex, murder, scandal, sex, murder, swearing, sex, murder, drugs, aids, death row, and the bestworst depiction of race relations to ever grace television… and still be able to see the big picture & why it’s my third favorite television show of all time (a cookie for the first two - should be so easy, and something better than a cookie for #4 because i doubt i’ve ever mentioned it). pending second place i guess, since one of my favorites isn’t over.

also, i was spelling something over the phone today and said “zed”. i seriously didn’t think THAT one would ever slip out.

i’ve been forgetting to check the treasuries on etsy for, uh, five months… there will be a gold star by the title if one of your items is in it, and i used to check it every few days & get excited to find my things. this seller just messaged me to let me know i was included in hers, which is the only way i ever know anymore, and i will post it here to make manda happy.

listening: billy bragg & wilco in my head

and all the roads we have to walk are winding

this morning i drove to the mall to get yarn, a heating pad, and bras. i only found the yarn, but also scored some more outlet-priced maternity clothes (no brown skirt, but i found a dull green one that will suffice) and superb cinnamon rolls. i got stuck in mystery traffic coming back into the city, and puttered along wondering how to get US citizenship for our baby. this hadn’t occured to me until this morning. when i got home i kicked mikey off of his own laptop so i could do some research. two hours later, i have added a fire/water-proof box to our baby registry on amazon. i really, really don’t ever want to have to do all of this again.

documentation that we must provide at the US consulate during a TWO HOUR MEETING to get citizenship, after which we’ll have to wait 8-9 weeks for it to be approved:
- consular report of birth abroad documents - god only knows how long these forms are, i didn’t even look yet
- social security number application
- statement of live birth from midwives
- our marriage certificate, passports, and other photo identification
- proof of former physical presence in the US - official school transcripts, entry/exit records, bank/medical/tax records, or anything else “credible”
- prepaid, self-addressed canada post express mailer
- photocopy of each document

we also have to register the birth with the city of toronto, and then use this registration to obtain a birth certificate from the government. it takes about four months for all of that to go through, so we will also have to get a temporary confirmation of birth/travel letter for when we cross the border with our infant in the meantime… maybe two since they are only good for 90 days.

so, a tally:
- fee to report birth of US citizen abroad: $65.00
- official school transcripts for both of us: $30.00 or so
- prepaid mailers, photocopies, subway tokens to get to consulate: $15.00 or so
- passport for baby, which we will most likely need eventually: $85.00
- passport photos for baby: $20.00
- fee for registering birth with city of toronto: $35.00
- fee for ordering birth certificate: $25.00
- fee for 90-day travel letter (maybe x2): $35.00
- fire-proof box: $39.99

total medical costs associated with this child:
- huge bottle of rolaids for mom: $6.00
- rubbing alcohol & qtips for cleaning the scabby cord stump: $6.00

listening: i heard oasis in the mall - can’t get it out of my head
baby horse?: no - she is beginning to enjoy sleeping in the barn with her doula dog & duck